Excerpt!
Once we’re seated, I say, “You can go out with her. My mom could probably come pick me up.” I pluck a blade of grass from the lawn and run it between my fingers, focusing on its smooth texture to distract myself from the hurt I’m feeling right now.
“I don’t want to go out with Kristy. I told you, I had no idea she’d even be here.”
“She came with Trent. She was obviously here because of you.” I toss the blade of grass aside and lie down on the blanket, knees bent, my eyes on the bright moon above us.
“But I didn’t know that until just now. When I talked to Trent earlier, he didn’t say he was bringing Kristy here tonight. He shouldn’t have done that. He thought he was helping me, but…”
“Helping you?” I sigh. “Silas, you’ve never needed help getting a date.”
“That’s not what I meant.” He lies next to me, propped up on his side. “He was trying to make me feel better. Trying to get my mind off things.”
“What things?”
He looks down and pauses for so long that I think he’s not going to answer, but then says, “Today was really hard.”
“Why? What do you mean?” I think I already know why but I want to hear his answer.
“It was hard seeing you again.” He looks up at me. “It’s not that I didn’t want to see you. I did. I’ve been wanting to see you for two years. It’s just that…once I did, I wanted things to go back to how they used to be and…I know they can’t.”
I feel wetness in the corners of my eyes because I can feel the hurt in his voice and I can see it in his face. And because I feel the same way. As soon as I saw him, I wanted to go back to how things were. The moment he appeared at my door, I wanted to run up and hug him and tell him how much I missed him.
“So Trent was trying to get you to move on?” I ask.
“In his own idiotic way, yes.”
“Maybe you should. Move on.” I choke on the words because it’s not what I want. But I love Silas, and I want him to be happy, and in order to do that, he needs to move on.
A long pause lingers between us.
“Is that really what you want?” he asks. “For me to move on?”
I swallow past the lump in my throat. “Yes.”
“If you wanted me to move on, then why did you get so upset when Kristy asked me to go out with her?”
“I was angry because you invited me here and then a girl showed up. It was just a misunderstanding.”
“You know I’d never do that to you. I would never plan some elaborate scheme in order to try to make you jealous.”
“I know,” I whisper.
He brushes the back of his hand over my cheek. “Willow, I need you to be honest with me. I need you to tell me how you really feel. What you really want. I need to know if there’s any hope for us. If you’d even consider the idea of us getting back together.”
God, this is so hard. Being around him makes me want to go back to how things were, but eventually I’d have to break up with him. I already did that once and it was hard enough back then. I can’t do it again. I don’t want to have to close that door a second time.
Silas Sparks was my first love. My only love. The guy I thought I would marry, and almost did.
We were engaged. For a week. In high school. It was the happiest week of my life. But then reality hit and I broke off the engagement. I was only 17. I couldn’t get married! I had plans for my life. Plans that included college and someday running a large corporation.
Silas was crushed. He couldn’t understand why I did it. But that’s Silas. He lives in the moment, never worries about the future. After we broke up, he took off for Europe and never came back.
That was two years ago. I haven’t seen or talked to him since. Then just as I’m about to leave college for summer break, guess who shows up at my door? Looking even hotter than I remember, flashing that sexy smile of his, telling me he’s home for the summer, living just a few houses down from mine!
Now I’m panicking. I was never supposed to see him again. Silas is the past. I’ve moved on. And yet here he is, and all I can think about is how much I want him back. It can never happen, but even so, I can’t deny the truth. And the truth is…I still love Silas.
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